Morjes!

Welcome to my blog. I write about fitting in, sticking out, and missing the motherland as a serial foreigner.

Church oddities

The idea that life is more of an adventure in a foreign country also holds true for church. Church is more of an adventure in a foreign country. For example:

1. (This happened a few months before we moved here.) Twice a year, all the Mormons in a given area ("stake") meet together for a conference. In the US and other places where there are purpose-built Mormon church buildings, that's where this conference takes place. Here in the UAE (and in Russia), we rent out a hotel ballroom for the occasion. A couple of years ago, hundreds of Mormons showed up at the Marriott in Dubai for stake conference and it turned out that the hotel provided a free buffet brunch as part of the ballroom rental package. By all accounts, it was the best stake conference EVER. However, this has never happened again since it was actually a mistake - the church paid for that buffet brunch because someone didn't look over the rental quote very closely. Too bad, really.

2. At the most recent stake conference, held at the Shangri-La Hotel in Dubai, some attentive hotel staff member took the time to arrange the complimentary water bottles in a shape that spelled out JESUS.

3. These are words that I have heard spoken over the pulpit in my ward: pornography, menstruation, period, breast exam, masturbation, prostitute, LBM (="loose bowel movement"), vomit/vomiting/vomited, "kick his a**," "I went to wake him up and he was covered in blood," "trying to get pregnant," "my mom has a better job than my dad," and ghost. And those are just the ones I can remember. Fast and testimony meeting is a wonderful thing.

4. Since we meet for church in a rented villa, the facilities aren't always the greatest. Sometimes the bathrooms don't work, or the AC is broken, or the power is out.

5. One of the benefits of being in an overseas ward is that we have something called the "summer church schedule." AKA, church is only two hours long for July and August (they cut out Sunday School). Let me tell you, it is niiiiiice. However, it is really hard to switch back to the whole three hours in September.

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