Welcome to my blog. I write about fitting in, sticking out, and missing the motherland as a serial foreigner.

A great, big Wilhelm scream

Have you ever wondered what your reaction would be if an intruder snuck up behind you while you were preparing dinner and suddenly grabbed you?

Well, I got to find out yesterday when my husband did exactly that.

I was in the kitchen, calmly chopping celery and preparing dinner. Jeremy was on campus, and not due home for a little while still (or so I thought). Miriam was sitting on the counter "helping," as always (which means I was trying very hard not to chop her fingers off as she grabbed at stray celery pieces). She was facing me and I was facing her, with my back to the rest of the house. Meanwhile, the microwave was defrosting some meat and the washer and dryer (right next to the kitchen area) were both going.

Suddenly, someone was grabbing me from behind. I screamed and jumped and almost choked on the piece of celery that was in my mouth. It's a good thing I happened to not be holding the knife at that particular moment. Almost immediately, I realized that it was just Jeremy, but it took me a few minutes to calm down.

In his defense, he said that he thought I had heard him come in (through the backyard, opening the security door, hanging up his bike, etc.). But of course I hadn't, because of all the noise in the kitchen.

Even though that was extremely terrifying, I think it still was not quite as scary as the only other scary prank Jeremy has played on me.

First, you must understand that I hate spiders and have a completely irrational fear of them.

When we were living in a basement in American Fork, we occasionally found spiders in sundry corners of the house. Of course, it was usually Jeremy's job to dispatch them. But one night, he was busy studying and he casually told me that he saw a small spider in the bathroom and he wanted me to take care of it. After quite a bit of protesting from me, I naively headed off to the bathroom, armed with a tissue.

I didn't see the spider, so I asked Jeremy where exactly it was. He told me that it was probably on or under the bathmat. I decided to scare it out by lifting up the bathmat very quickly.

Well, I lifted up the bathmat in one quick motion, and suddenly, there was a huge swarm of spiders scurrying everywhere. I was so scared that I ran screaming out of the bathroom.

After Jeremy calmed me down enough to talk to me, he told me that they were fake spiders, and he had planted them there on purpose to scare me. I went over to look, and sure enough, there were dozens of small plastic spiders lying motionless on the floor. They had only looked like they were moving earlier because I had lifted up the bathmat so quickly.

He's never done anything like that again. What can I say? He learns his lessons well.

Postponing the inevitable

At the risk of revealing how lame I can be