My friend Pamela shared this (written by Iain S. Thomas) earlier today and there I was at work, trying to keep tears (happy or sad? I don't know) from rolling down my cheeks. It spoke to me so directly, so powerfully:
I have had so many goodbyes in my life - some certain and some uncertain and I'm not sure which is worse. We spend years in a place, move, and then never go back, and it's hard. Or we spend a short time in a place, move, and then go back for a visit and it's hard. Which is better for the soul? Being able to preserve a former home in your mind's eye as it always was when you were there? Or going back and seeing the reality of friends and neighborhoods that have carried on without you?
So a small golden light would work really well for me. To KNOW that well, this is it. Instead, my coping mechanism is avoiding the act itself of saying goodbye, as if to hedge my bets. I pine for Days Befores and I miss the homes we've lived in as if they were animate beings rather than spaces that belong to other people now.
During the school vacation in Week 8 (mid-February), the girls and I are going to the UAE for a visit. I have longed for this trip almost since the day we left. It's true that it's sometimes harder to go back to a beloved home rather than just stay away, but I am looking forward to this trip so much (even if I'm not entirely sure I won't burst into tears immediately upon arrival). I remember taking a taxi to the Dubai airport in the middle of the night in August 2015 and amid all the jumble of thoughts and worries and emotions, my mind kept asking, in an endless loop, Will I Ever Come Back Here?
Looks like yes! No golden light yet, not for me and the UAE.